Have you ever been in a situation where you were the only one for a while than all of the sudden someone new comes along and starts to absorb all o f that attention? that is my current state now! I hate this feeling its not a good feeling at all but is it wrong to feel that way?
I don't generally mind sharing the spotlight as long as both individuals are recognized for their duties and their hard work, Sometimes the other will try to over power the other who's been around for awhile to show their strength by trying to take over the things the others duties to show how strong they are sometimes you let them win but if you're like me you take it personal.. I'm not really sure if I'm jealous or if i'm just extremely territorial because being jealous is when you want something that's not yours where being territorial is protecting what already is yours...
When to let your guard down though? or do you ever let your guard down? people always say do not trust anyone in all senses those people are right! some people are a like a wolf in sheep's clothing they try to be your friend they try to know things about you only to try to take what you've worked so hard to get where your at... All this aggression I feel towards fighting to keep my position and to prove to my worthiness that I deserve the same recognition but the constant proving worthiness is exhausting so when do you stop trying to prove yourself?
I think the only failure is when you stop trying and I think it's okay to fail sometimes because when we fail we learn from that experience and what not to repeat in the future but if you see that you're heading for failure is to give everything you got put all of your efforts your sleepless nights to the point you cry an at that point you pray to Allah (God) to help guide you at that point this is the point i'm at now, everyone says to stop worrying and to relax but how can I relax when everything in my life seems to be going down the slippery slope? my patience is like the strand of hair and I hate this feeling and I can only hope that my worrying isn't worthy and i'll be proven wrong and that my feelings are wrong an I'll continue to stand strong where I'm at.
I know that in this time I need to turn to Allah and pray sometimes I feel like I don't want to pray I know that it will help me but at the same time I feel so week to push myself and I keep hitting one road block after another just when I find a solution to one problem another seems to show up I hope that I can find the motivation to get me back on track of praying again, I miss being on top of my prayers I really feel bad when I don't pray I know when I do pray I'm not angry I'm sure this is the root of all my problems but why can't I push myself to do it? All I can say and hope for that Allah guide me back to him and that the problems that I see that are so big become not a problem at all..
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